Thursday, October 14, 2010

Tick tock tick, I feel like sh....

It started Monday night. Between sleep & awake, I was restless. I started perusing facebook & twitter and I found a post from a friend of mine that was in Hawaii alone without her husband. This wouldn't have bothered me except I know they have been having problems lately and she recently cheated on him. He's home with the kids and she's in Hawaii?! I couldn't believe how much this pissed me off. It seemed unfair. Giving you more details would probably make my viewpoint more clear but I will refrain because this post isn't about them, it's about my crabbiness and this just happened to set it off. Unjust situations really bother me and this kicked off a bunch of feelings I didn't like. I wondered where they came from. Why did I feel so strongly about this? I tried to let it go and go to sleep. I had to try again.

I woke up the next morning and the feeling ensued. Since then, except for the majority of Wednesday, I have had a nagging crabbiness. I've been irritated more easily at things. I notice this and it makes me nervous because I know it's not good to be focused on the negative. Plus, I don't like how it makes me feel.. To top it off, I "know" how to get out of it. Just think happy thoughts, count your blessings, stop the negative thought in it's track and don't let it continue, blah, blah, blah. I guess this is one of those times I just gotta be. So here I am in all my human-ness just riding it out. Damn human-ness... ; )

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

My goodness, where'd September go?

Geez, I can't believe it's been over a month since I've blogged. Where'd the time go?! What have you been up to??? For me, it's been quite a whirlwind.

I've enjoyed intense heat & delicious rain. I captured rainbows and a sunset with my iPhone. I realized my dream of filming at Universal Studios. I've gained confidence in my Acting. I spent time and built memories with my girlfriends. I enjoyed time with my favorite girl in the world, Andrea. I got a new tattoo. I've faced some of my fears and allowed myself to be more vulnerable. I celebrated a birthday. I had a really great, cleansing cry. Mostly I've been letting go and letting God. I've also been learning a whole new way of being. Being busy but not busy. Investing my time in things I truly want, love, and are inspired by, and then letting myself be still, guilt free the rest of the time. I must say it's quite interesting.

I got hooked on the hustle. Sitting still, investing time and money, going for the long haul instead of the instant reward was hard at first. But it can be learned. So if you don't have this now, don't despair. I've been learning, living, and enjoying this concept and trust me when I say I'm not perfect but then again, who is right? Just last night into today I found myself struggling with a nervous energy. A restlessness of sorts and it affected my mood. I got grouchy. If it happens, it's ok. For the most part this new way of being has brought me a great happiness, focus, and quite a bit of success.

So, that's it. That's what's been up for me. Now what's been up with you???