A Night of Debauchery

Ugh.

The morning after.

Ever find yourself in this position? You go out. Things are great. You're having fun. There are drinks, there's laughter and stories, dancing ensues. Maybe another outing with friends, and then the night progresses into something else. Suddenly the experience doesn't resonate with you so much anymore and as the night fades out (because these nights are always insanely long) you are made more and more aware of an uncomfortableness.  Upon morning's break you're free! Except for the thinking... you know, the seemingly endless recounting of events or choices you want to forget. Ugh.

Ugh in-deed.

The choices I made last night no longer serve me. I know this now and the part of me that wishes to achieve mastery someday is grateful for the uncomfortableness that brought me to this. It is a lesson. It is my friend. The human part of me though is writing this blog because like the person who is "so over that" but is still talking about it, I am left with residue from it all.

Last night I drank and smoked. Here is what coincided with that:

I spent more than I wanted to, allowed someone to drink from my glass, got bumped into on the dance floor (spilling on myself and others) then the strange interaction with a neighbor due to playing music (as in, live instrumentation) with our patio door wide open. Not the brightest moments.

These activities do not resonate with me today. I wasn't my highest self (and no, this is not my attempt at being pun-ny :P) I didn't make the highest choices. Upon reflection, my light, my being-ness, became dimmed. Burnt out. Fun just isn't as fun. The enjoyment of food is either too much or too little. Sleep sucks.

Then there are the judgements that ensue. This comes from me and me alone but they are there and feel like an enormous waste of energy. Why did I do that? That was dumb. Did I make an ass out of myself? And now, the why don't I wanna do that anymore? Does this mean I'm getting old? I'd like to think that I'm getting wiser, I know I am getting healthier. As I travel more and go through other experiences I know there will be times I enjoy a glass of wine or a new cocktail I've never tried before. I am not wishing to come off as some absolute single minded being. I am simply stating that I am aware of the closing of a chapter. The way I had experienced pass times involving drinking and smoking have changed. And somehow, as I sit here typing this out, enlightenment. Because I am not only ok with it, I'm excited by it.

Could it be??? Maybe. Look at me guys! I'm all growsed up.

: P ; D

Feeling The Love

80's hits pump through my iPhone / Hi Fi system, filled with love as I sit at my home office desk. I just shared something BIG on facebook & it feels so good. I'm married!!!

I am so blessed to have a wonderful man in my life and it feels great to share it with all of you.

As a female in the Entertainment Industry, I've wondered about how much I should share... To be completely honest, I've worried. But the more I grow I realize that the beauty is in the fullest truth. I have heard that the best marketing attracts what you want and repels what you don't want. This statement has been profound for me. As I have applied this philosophy to my business and my life any doubts I may have had have melted away.

Life is too short. Let's celebrate every minute, every victory, every person that shows us love, every circumstance that allows us to be our highest self. I am so grateful to have quite a few of these things, and if I may be completely honest, one of the greatest has been my husband Tony.

So if I may take a minute, Tony I love you. Thank you for being my best friend and soul mate. Thank you for being my partner every minute. I am honored to be your wife and I look forward to making you proud the rest of our lives.

Cheers to love, life, and being our fullest selves. Have a great day!

Blah.

How are you? Today's been weird. Not hard, not easy, just trying.. what's up with that? I think it could be because I'm going through a lot of change and growth right now. It seems my week was littered with an on day off day kinda deal where I'd have one really powerful day and the next I'd be really tired or crabby. Anyone else go through this?

I guess it just feels like I am being tested. Like, can you take the pressure and work your goals require? How serious are you? Check out this distraction, will you fold? It's weird. The other night after an extremely powerful phenomenal day, I found myself crying in bed. I mean, I wanted to just sob. How weird is that? Here I was just overcome. I can tell you it took me by surprise but just imagine how crazy it looked to my sweetheart in bed next to me. He's like, what happened? What's wrong? And there I was, just crying like, "I don't know"...

I've been wanting to share what I'm going through here on my blog for a few weeks now but I've been afraid because it's BIG stuff having to do with business, spirituality, GOD, and I guess even though I know it's amazing, real, and I want to share it with you so you can benefit too, I also wonder will they think I'm crazy????

Ultimately, no matter what there's always a chance you could think I'm crazy and I guess in truth sometimes I can be. I think you have to be a little "out of your mind" to be bold, successful, and strong in your faith.

A famed modern day spiritual leader named Neale Donald Walsch had this to say on his Twitter the other day: "Your feelings never lie. They do not know how to. They tell U exactly what U are being in any moment." I know he's right.

Remember my crying the other night? Once I reflected on that, I realized that my feelings did reveal something I didn't want to admit to myself. I had allowed myself to believe wholeheartedly in something and when it didn't pass, my great disappointment and my being overwhelmed at everything going on, just came out. No matter how much I tried to hold on to the joy of everything else I was experiencing.

So what are you feeling? How was your day? My day was just blah and that's... OK.

With love and acceptance,

Tee


Now Playing: We Fight/We Love by Q-Tip

Tick tock tick, I feel like sh....

It started Monday night. Between sleep & awake, I was restless. I started perusing facebook & twitter and I found a post from a friend of mine that was in Hawaii alone without her husband. This wouldn't have bothered me except I know they have been having problems lately and she recently cheated on him. He's home with the kids and she's in Hawaii?! I couldn't believe how much this pissed me off. It seemed unfair. Giving you more details would probably make my viewpoint more clear but I will refrain because this post isn't about them, it's about my crabbiness and this just happened to set it off. Unjust situations really bother me and this kicked off a bunch of feelings I didn't like. I wondered where they came from. Why did I feel so strongly about this? I tried to let it go and go to sleep. I had to try again.

I woke up the next morning and the feeling ensued. Since then, except for the majority of Wednesday, I have had a nagging crabbiness. I've been irritated more easily at things. I notice this and it makes me nervous because I know it's not good to be focused on the negative. Plus, I don't like how it makes me feel.. To top it off, I "know" how to get out of it. Just think happy thoughts, count your blessings, stop the negative thought in it's track and don't let it continue, blah, blah, blah. I guess this is one of those times I just gotta be. So here I am in all my human-ness just riding it out. Damn human-ness... ; )