Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Tee-riffic: Ups & Downs In the Actor's Mind

Hello friends, thank you for reading. I'm posting every day here now as I'm part of a life changing journey regarding 29 Gifts in 29 Days. This however, is not one of those blogs it is simply a moment in time, in my day, on my journey and experience as an Actor.

Today I felt happy and excited. I have been auditioning a lot lately and that's always good because that means I'm working. I always try to stay grateful and grounded in that. Today, I got to go to a callback which is one step closer to the booking. It means you've made it past the first ranks and now everyone wants to check you out. YAY! My husband and I went to breakfast and then in order to make it on time he drove me to my audition. Since it was in Santa Monica, this was the best thing for us to do as traffic on the 405 freeway in the morning can be quite intense.

Anyway, if and when hubby drives me he always asks as soon as I get out, "How'd it go?!" Sometimes I feel great. Sometimes I feel alright. Sometimes I don't feel anything. Today I felt alright with how it went but there was no confetti raining down on me or anything. No magic, no trumpets. I just did my best and moved on. However, in being honest and telling him this it turned into immediate disappointment from him and comments as though I should write it off. This upset me because unless you get thrown out you should never write anything off. Many times these decisions are made based on factors I have no control over. None of us do as Actors. His reaction bummed me out because it made me feel I had to defend myself and most times we as actors are already going through a number in our minds, we certainly don't need the additional weight from family, spouses, or friends. It also made me think of money which can be a touchy subject because most artists in general are not earning a steady income. Ugh. Bring on the funk... Believe me, I know in the "real world" these are all legitimate things to think about and my hubby has never intentionally made me feel like I need to earn but that doesn't matter because I feel that way and so it brought up a slew of emotions. I wonder how many other actors feel this.. I then when into a tailspin just thinking about how I needed more actor friends that I could sound off with, talk to, and share with because really unless you're in this game it's impossible to understand why someone would take on this world. There's so much involved in pursuing this. Finances, rejection, uncertainty, vulnerability. It takes a lot to stay strong, positive, and grounded. To keep coming back another day and counting your victories when really all most people care about is did you book? And then it's what did you book? Have I heard of it? Is it major?

I'm here to tell you that every single audition is a triumph. Every callback a victory. Every booking, success. If you are an Actor that just got head shots, an agent, or union eligibility/membership. You are winning!! Every one of these things is a major feat in this industry. I am so blessed to have known all of these experiences and when I get down I just thank God for that and keep moving.

Today that involved me coming to my home office to work on other items and coming across this. As soon as I saw I felt smacked into place and kind of like an ass. Simply because there is so much going on, so much that could be worse. It also showed me strength in the most unlikely place. A little girl put in a position to fight for her life:

I'm not here to diminish our struggle as actors. These things are real and tough. I'm simply here to say that this helped me put my life and issues in perspective today. May we all keep things in perspective. Actors or not. And if you are a fellow thespian, please do reach out because I wasn't kidding when I said I'd love to befriend more of you. This can be a bumpy ride, why not go it together?


Amanda said...

thank you for sharing our story. Amelia is amazing and I want to the world to know it. good luck with everything. :)

Teemaree said...

My pleasure, Amelia IS amazing. It is my honor to share her and your story. You all are so wonderful. Thank YOU for being so brave. Blessings to you and thank you for the well wishes.