There are many times I'll have the absolutely normal HUMAN overwhelmed, angry, disappointed thought. When these times come, I put into practice the things I have learned and try sometimes with greater ease than others, to make them go away. Then there are times when I'm just human. Not enlightened enough to get passed things that bother me. You know what I'm talking about right? This is one of those times.
Months ago my son left our home. Since than many things have occured. I thought we had made great progress. A phone call that birthed a visit with him here at home and the resolution to keep in touch. I kept up my part of the bargain. Texting, calling.. Then, I said something he didn't like. Questioning him on absences from school. Apparently that was cause for him to banish me from his world. No phone call, text, email back. As connected as we are these days it is easy to disconnect oneself and so he did. I chalked it up to teenage angst. Breathe, let it go.
Today I receive a call from the school nurse. He has a sprain. Has had it since Wednesday. They've approved temporary insurance. Mind you I knew nothing about any of it until today's call. I answered all questions, cooperated, but then of course the truth came out. Who had signed the forms??? Upon my son's lies and the school's inability to follow protocol, suddenly a dilemma emerged. I am left now angry and frustrated. So many needless calls and too many resources for what could have been taken care of easily.
Reading this, I realize it's just a little drama. A daily soap opera if you will. Things always seem more important than they are. We will all survive. There's just that pain. That pain of being human. The hurt that comes from being there for someone no matter what and having them reject you. The anger of being bothered with the aftermath of that. You wanna be grown, be grown. Work it out. Speak up. Ask for what you need. Take that responsibility. Instead, you just want to be "grown" in the sense that you're not home but still lying, cheating, relying on whoever you can, manipulating, putting people out. It's disheartening. That's not what I taught. That's not who I am. I do not recognize or identify with it. :(
A brilliant acting class I attended this week posed a question that is perfect for this occasion. How do we have empathy for those things we do not understand? All I can say is, I'm working on it.