You Owe Me Money AND You're a Douchebag

I DJ'ed regularly for a company called Metropark. They were a boutique chain selling men's and women's fashions. They are now bankrupt. I had an outstanding invoice with them and I am not going to be paid for it. This is not fun news to hear. No one likes to work for free. Even I, who loves giving to people and organizations have the same expectation we all do which is if this is a job then I am going to be paid.

What brought me to write this blog is not the fact I am not going to get my money. It was how I was treated when I called to follow up on my invoice and to figure out if something else can be arranged. 

A condescending man had the audacity to cut me off while I was speaking repeatedly, he offered to refer me to a website where I could learn about bankruptcy, he told me he didn't have the authority to help me, he claimed he wasn't even in payroll, he also flat out said "well, none of you DJ's are getting paid." 

Maybe all of this is true. Maybe he was stressed. Maybe he feels like a little maggot having to represent and stick it out for a company that hasn't made good out in the world and obviously has a lot of people upset at them right now. Maybe, maybe, maybe. 

How about, Maybe he doesn't have to be such a douchebag???

I'm not gonna bitch and moan about the money. There are people that are out of a job because of this and worse. I feel for every single one of these people. I get where my invoice is in the big scheme of this. However, I am still a person. A human being. I don't deserve to be dumped on & THAT is where my problem lies. A little goes a long way. A little kindness, understanding, truth, decency. 

As I continue my path of enlightenment I will someday be above these situations. Like Jesus, Buddha, Gandhi. The type of being that realizes what's going on around them but doesn't get affected. I'm glad that my moments of funk don't last as long as they once did and I am able to see the other person's side. I am also proud to say I didn't raise my voice, get nasty, or stoop to his level. I simply stated how I felt they could be more human about the situation and then I ended the phone call. These are advancements. Right now though, I have to say I was affected. Metropark Jesse you're #1 and you can go ahead and imagine what gesture I'm using to illustrate that. 

Effff you dude, effff YOU.

Letting It Go and Letting It In

Last time I wrote I was going through the depths of it. Questioning everything. Myself, my decisions, my path in life, my values and the things I hold dear, it was TERRIBLE. Since then I have prayed. I have sought council from my dearest, (husband, friends, family.) Slowly, the doubts fear and anguish started lifting away... Then I was gifted with this past weekend.

This past weekend, I went to Santa Barbara for a friend's wedding.The experience was a gift to me from God. It seemed as though everywhere I turned I was delivered either a sign of the path I am on or a reminder/encouragement for where I am going. Here is what I mean...

1. Hubby took forever to RSVP (it was his friend getting married) and I didn't think we were going to go but then not only did he pull the trigger but he had the idea for us to rent a room and enjoy the weekend.

2.Although we had been to S.B many times, it just so happened our usual Days Inn was not available leaving us to enjoy a new piece of town we were not familiar with. :)

3. This new Days Inn was nicer and larger than where we normally stay.

4. It "just so happened" that there was a lovely market like a privately owned smaller Trader Joe's filled with inexpensive healthy foods & drink right across the street. :D

Then we got to the wedding....

1. We arrived late along with another couple that "just so happened" to be friends of ours which was an unexpected delight.

2. After a short and gorgeous ceremony, we walked over to where the reception was to be held where we were greeted with a wonderfully talented group of musicians playing Brazilian music. The very next song they played upon our entering? My favorite, "Agua de Beber". :D

3. As we entered the main area and found our table, it just so happened a new band was playing another one of my favorite songs that has been very poignant for me these days "If I Ever Lose My Faith In You" by Sting. We were also seated with the greatest company. A motivational speaker and his wife, our friends that I referenced earlier, and a powerful man in TV who is the spitting image of President Barack Obama. :)

4. As the night progressed, there was love filled speeches, praise, dancing, delicious foods, drinks, wonderful music, and FUN. It had been a long time since I'd had some fun.

There were other gifts blessings miracles,

5. Our friends fiancee had come to me later in the evening and said to me, "as an Artist, you can't give up. You must keep going. It may seem tough but everyone who is mainstream today started out not being well known. We each have gifts and you have to share yours with the world." She had no reason to tell me this. I had never met her before and did not mention anywhere in my conversation with her what I had been feeling in my heart the days before this outing. How on earth could she have known that I was contemplating quitting? *Gift

6. When we pulled up to this beautiful venue I found out it was valet parking only much to my dismay. I like to have quick access to my car and wasn't sure if I would need my coat later on. One thing I DID notice however was that in the front of the venue there were nothing but luxury cars and I made a comment to my husband about how THAT is the company I love to be in. ;) It just so happened as we left the wedding after a delicious stroll in the full moon light I came to find my car amidst all it's luxurious friends. :D

Can you believe that even on the way home there was very limited traffic and I had cars just move out of my way on more than three occasions? If you live or are aware of Los Angeles 101 traffic you will understand what a true miracle this is indeed. :D

I'm here to tell you that I believe in miracles and I think they happen every day. I believe that gifts and blessings swirl all around and are available to all of us. The days before this outing I felt broken, heavy, and lost. These things and feelings happen. But if we look around us and believe. All the things that make us happy and the people that make us feel strong are there too and they're just waiting to be given a chance to lift us up.

"There are only two ways to live your life. 

One is as though nothing is a miracle. 

The other is as though everything is a miracle." 

- Albert Einstein

Wishing you an abundance of miracles. Love to you,
Tee

A Mother's Love

Silence in the office,

voices in the other room.

So lonely.

The weight of the world shouldered,

one minute forging on, the next apathy, anger, and now waves of crushing sadness..

Oh to scream.

Instead sobbing quietly

Lied to me again. 

Lots of lies. 

Some small, 

some big, 

but still a good job was done of it. 

Months passed and the truth might not have been known.

Now like fighters in a ring,

only corners...

My back is pressed.

You had to leave.

Said you didn't want to,

But morning brought your absence.

7 days.

Now a call?

Why on earth is the "right" thing so hard?

The desire to love it away held back. 

That wouldn't help now.

Still I do though, I love you & I always will. 

And THAT is why this is excruciating.

Tears, confusion.

 You tell me you love me.

& I love you too.

 But the problems remain.

You can figure this out I say.

No one wants to hang up the phone.

Words fail and then it's over.

I'm left with God and the strongest paper towel

Both seem to hold everything.

This too shall pass.

Because I DO love you and I know that when you solve this puzzle, you'll be set free....

Until then I'll be here, waiting.

I promise. 

I'll be here no matter what 

forevermore...

Blah.

How are you? Today's been weird. Not hard, not easy, just trying.. what's up with that? I think it could be because I'm going through a lot of change and growth right now. It seems my week was littered with an on day off day kinda deal where I'd have one really powerful day and the next I'd be really tired or crabby. Anyone else go through this?

I guess it just feels like I am being tested. Like, can you take the pressure and work your goals require? How serious are you? Check out this distraction, will you fold? It's weird. The other night after an extremely powerful phenomenal day, I found myself crying in bed. I mean, I wanted to just sob. How weird is that? Here I was just overcome. I can tell you it took me by surprise but just imagine how crazy it looked to my sweetheart in bed next to me. He's like, what happened? What's wrong? And there I was, just crying like, "I don't know"...

I've been wanting to share what I'm going through here on my blog for a few weeks now but I've been afraid because it's BIG stuff having to do with business, spirituality, GOD, and I guess even though I know it's amazing, real, and I want to share it with you so you can benefit too, I also wonder will they think I'm crazy????

Ultimately, no matter what there's always a chance you could think I'm crazy and I guess in truth sometimes I can be. I think you have to be a little "out of your mind" to be bold, successful, and strong in your faith.

A famed modern day spiritual leader named Neale Donald Walsch had this to say on his Twitter the other day: "Your feelings never lie. They do not know how to. They tell U exactly what U are being in any moment." I know he's right.

Remember my crying the other night? Once I reflected on that, I realized that my feelings did reveal something I didn't want to admit to myself. I had allowed myself to believe wholeheartedly in something and when it didn't pass, my great disappointment and my being overwhelmed at everything going on, just came out. No matter how much I tried to hold on to the joy of everything else I was experiencing.

So what are you feeling? How was your day? My day was just blah and that's... OK.

With love and acceptance,

Tee


Now Playing: We Fight/We Love by Q-Tip

Tick tock tick, I feel like sh....

It started Monday night. Between sleep & awake, I was restless. I started perusing facebook & twitter and I found a post from a friend of mine that was in Hawaii alone without her husband. This wouldn't have bothered me except I know they have been having problems lately and she recently cheated on him. He's home with the kids and she's in Hawaii?! I couldn't believe how much this pissed me off. It seemed unfair. Giving you more details would probably make my viewpoint more clear but I will refrain because this post isn't about them, it's about my crabbiness and this just happened to set it off. Unjust situations really bother me and this kicked off a bunch of feelings I didn't like. I wondered where they came from. Why did I feel so strongly about this? I tried to let it go and go to sleep. I had to try again.

I woke up the next morning and the feeling ensued. Since then, except for the majority of Wednesday, I have had a nagging crabbiness. I've been irritated more easily at things. I notice this and it makes me nervous because I know it's not good to be focused on the negative. Plus, I don't like how it makes me feel.. To top it off, I "know" how to get out of it. Just think happy thoughts, count your blessings, stop the negative thought in it's track and don't let it continue, blah, blah, blah. I guess this is one of those times I just gotta be. So here I am in all my human-ness just riding it out. Damn human-ness... ; )