Yeah Mind, Get Outta My Mind!!!

Last night's sleep was terrible. I woke up in the middle of the night freezing and drenched in sweat. I woke up this morning in a daze straight out of weird dreams. Immediately negative thoughts pounced on me. Worry, judgements, confusion. Down the rabbit hole I went.

Lately it seems that when I really take a stance in my new life, my TODAY life (that I envision filled with abundance, purpose, positivity, possibility, philanthropy) I get attacked by negative thoughts and fear. It's like I'll have one or two amazing powerful days and then CRASH the next day or two I feel yucky. 

Trying to figure this out has been driving me nuts and seems to just exacerbate the problem. Then I read that I should allow myself to feel the emotions. Well what exactly does that look like? I am definitely feeling these emotions but gosh darn it I don't want to!!! Not only that but how long do these feelings get center stage?! Can anyone else relate to this??? 

Speaking with my husband really helped me this morning. Yes, he had sound advice to give but I also got a lot from myself because I tell you if you try to say out loud to someone else what you say to yourself a lot of the time it just seems plain dumb. If anyone else has experienced this please share because I have and it's unreal. 

I wish I had a remedy. I have been reading a lot and educating myself on these things but I cannot recommend anything right now as I am going through this myself currently. All I can say is that I WILL make it through this. If you are going through something YOU WILL make it through too. How about we lean on each other in the mean time? 

Letting It Go and Letting It In

Last time I wrote I was going through the depths of it. Questioning everything. Myself, my decisions, my path in life, my values and the things I hold dear, it was TERRIBLE. Since then I have prayed. I have sought council from my dearest, (husband, friends, family.) Slowly, the doubts fear and anguish started lifting away... Then I was gifted with this past weekend.

This past weekend, I went to Santa Barbara for a friend's wedding.The experience was a gift to me from God. It seemed as though everywhere I turned I was delivered either a sign of the path I am on or a reminder/encouragement for where I am going. Here is what I mean...

1. Hubby took forever to RSVP (it was his friend getting married) and I didn't think we were going to go but then not only did he pull the trigger but he had the idea for us to rent a room and enjoy the weekend.

2.Although we had been to S.B many times, it just so happened our usual Days Inn was not available leaving us to enjoy a new piece of town we were not familiar with. :)

3. This new Days Inn was nicer and larger than where we normally stay.

4. It "just so happened" that there was a lovely market like a privately owned smaller Trader Joe's filled with inexpensive healthy foods & drink right across the street. :D

Then we got to the wedding....

1. We arrived late along with another couple that "just so happened" to be friends of ours which was an unexpected delight.

2. After a short and gorgeous ceremony, we walked over to where the reception was to be held where we were greeted with a wonderfully talented group of musicians playing Brazilian music. The very next song they played upon our entering? My favorite, "Agua de Beber". :D

3. As we entered the main area and found our table, it just so happened a new band was playing another one of my favorite songs that has been very poignant for me these days "If I Ever Lose My Faith In You" by Sting. We were also seated with the greatest company. A motivational speaker and his wife, our friends that I referenced earlier, and a powerful man in TV who is the spitting image of President Barack Obama. :)

4. As the night progressed, there was love filled speeches, praise, dancing, delicious foods, drinks, wonderful music, and FUN. It had been a long time since I'd had some fun.

There were other gifts blessings miracles,

5. Our friends fiancee had come to me later in the evening and said to me, "as an Artist, you can't give up. You must keep going. It may seem tough but everyone who is mainstream today started out not being well known. We each have gifts and you have to share yours with the world." She had no reason to tell me this. I had never met her before and did not mention anywhere in my conversation with her what I had been feeling in my heart the days before this outing. How on earth could she have known that I was contemplating quitting? *Gift

6. When we pulled up to this beautiful venue I found out it was valet parking only much to my dismay. I like to have quick access to my car and wasn't sure if I would need my coat later on. One thing I DID notice however was that in the front of the venue there were nothing but luxury cars and I made a comment to my husband about how THAT is the company I love to be in. ;) It just so happened as we left the wedding after a delicious stroll in the full moon light I came to find my car amidst all it's luxurious friends. :D

Can you believe that even on the way home there was very limited traffic and I had cars just move out of my way on more than three occasions? If you live or are aware of Los Angeles 101 traffic you will understand what a true miracle this is indeed. :D

I'm here to tell you that I believe in miracles and I think they happen every day. I believe that gifts and blessings swirl all around and are available to all of us. The days before this outing I felt broken, heavy, and lost. These things and feelings happen. But if we look around us and believe. All the things that make us happy and the people that make us feel strong are there too and they're just waiting to be given a chance to lift us up.

"There are only two ways to live your life. 

One is as though nothing is a miracle. 

The other is as though everything is a miracle." 

- Albert Einstein

Wishing you an abundance of miracles. Love to you,
Tee

The Extraordinary & Ordinary Intertwined

This weekend I was in and out of consciousness. My cold had me relegated to my home (mostly my bed.) Not by force (thank goodness) it was my choice. What can I say?! I tend to highly value maximum health. Amidst the sea of dreams, I experienced many firsts:

*I put my needs first & turned down a family invitation because it didn't feel right.

*I created the most luxurious spa experience in my bathroom complete with candles, lavender bath salts, extremely hot water, & a private showing of Eat Pray Love. Thanks to Netflix & my MacBook.

*I made the decision to, & began learning Italian.

*I claimed my space without guilt once & for all & now refuse to let my cats sleep with me in my bedroom anymore.

*I let my faith guide me through yet another extremely big change in my life. A person I love very much and have dedicated a good portion of my life to is no longer in my regular picture. Their departure from my every day has been surreal yet serves as another sign of what I "knew" the moment the clock marked 12am on New Year's Day 2011. I'm stepping into a whole new life.

The more I allow it the more I see the beauty of the extraordinary & the ordinary intertwined. It is beautiful, succinct, delicious. It is gorgeously intimate. I feel I am becoming a better person. This excites me. I've never experienced peace like this before, faith like this before, it is amazing.

I guess you could say cold and all, my weekend was great. Somehow 85% of the time spent in my room connected me even more to myself, the world, and you. Extraordinary & ordinary, indeed.

Today I Step In To My Newest Title, Philanthropist.

It's sunny outside, the weather is warm, I am energized, refreshed, grateful, excited. This is after over a week of gloom and rain, metaphorically speaking it couldn't be more perfect. This week has brought about a massive amount of change. Consolidated. In your face. The kind of change that even someone like me who loves change, has to pep talk her way through it. Truthfully speaking, like all extremely hard things in my life, God got me through. I've experienced extreme lows and highs. Outpouring of support from fans, friends, and family. I will never be the same.

Amidst this process I have been enlightened to dreams I didn't know I had, to possibilities I hadn't seen before. To things that are now my new life's path. I am alive.

The first section of my life was about survival. The second section about me finding and expressing myself through the arts and my talents. This new phase is about the world.

Listen, I'm not out of the woods yet. I've had major unexpected financial things come up, (a move, parking tickets, ding in my windshield, medical & vet expenses, people I trusted and thought were on my team try to take advantage of me) some of these are still pending.. Sometimes I get scared and it hurts but I've also been extremely blessed. To be honest the only reason I am mentioning this to begin with is because I want you to know I'm a real person. A human being, making my way through this world, trying to be the best I can. Any hints of greatness come from something much higher than me, I call it God.

Please know I am not here to blog about religion, I am not religious. I am simply sharing with you this amazing wonderful metamorphosis I have experienced and the joy I have to be able to step into it TODAY. I dream of being a millionaire on the "Secret Millionaire" show. Until that day comes I will take cues from my mentors Oprah, Neale Donald Walsch, Rhonda Byrne, Robert & Kim Kiyosaki, God... and I will go out and make it happen. It started with making more donations and tonight/tomorrow night I start in deed.

If you are reading this right now, have connected with me at any of the social networks I use, thank you. I can't even begin to express how much I appreciate you. I really do carry you in my heart. This is my longest and my second most personal blog to date. I hope to continue to interest you. May you have a blessed and productive day. You are amazing.

Cheers to all of us, living out our dreams.

Blah.

How are you? Today's been weird. Not hard, not easy, just trying.. what's up with that? I think it could be because I'm going through a lot of change and growth right now. It seems my week was littered with an on day off day kinda deal where I'd have one really powerful day and the next I'd be really tired or crabby. Anyone else go through this?

I guess it just feels like I am being tested. Like, can you take the pressure and work your goals require? How serious are you? Check out this distraction, will you fold? It's weird. The other night after an extremely powerful phenomenal day, I found myself crying in bed. I mean, I wanted to just sob. How weird is that? Here I was just overcome. I can tell you it took me by surprise but just imagine how crazy it looked to my sweetheart in bed next to me. He's like, what happened? What's wrong? And there I was, just crying like, "I don't know"...

I've been wanting to share what I'm going through here on my blog for a few weeks now but I've been afraid because it's BIG stuff having to do with business, spirituality, GOD, and I guess even though I know it's amazing, real, and I want to share it with you so you can benefit too, I also wonder will they think I'm crazy????

Ultimately, no matter what there's always a chance you could think I'm crazy and I guess in truth sometimes I can be. I think you have to be a little "out of your mind" to be bold, successful, and strong in your faith.

A famed modern day spiritual leader named Neale Donald Walsch had this to say on his Twitter the other day: "Your feelings never lie. They do not know how to. They tell U exactly what U are being in any moment." I know he's right.

Remember my crying the other night? Once I reflected on that, I realized that my feelings did reveal something I didn't want to admit to myself. I had allowed myself to believe wholeheartedly in something and when it didn't pass, my great disappointment and my being overwhelmed at everything going on, just came out. No matter how much I tried to hold on to the joy of everything else I was experiencing.

So what are you feeling? How was your day? My day was just blah and that's... OK.

With love and acceptance,

Tee


Now Playing: We Fight/We Love by Q-Tip

Let's Get Our Zen On!

If you're new to the blog, welcome. I have just had a big move and now live near the ocean for the first time and it's amazing. Every day, there's is something different to take from it and I figured, why not share the love??

No matter where you are, now you have a bit of the ocean with you whenever you want! So go ahead and get your zen on! There's no wrong way...

Sending you full expressions of health, wealth, and happiness. Ommmm..... ; )

My goodness, where'd September go?

Geez, I can't believe it's been over a month since I've blogged. Where'd the time go?! What have you been up to??? For me, it's been quite a whirlwind.

I've enjoyed intense heat & delicious rain. I captured rainbows and a sunset with my iPhone. I realized my dream of filming at Universal Studios. I've gained confidence in my Acting. I spent time and built memories with my girlfriends. I enjoyed time with my favorite girl in the world, Andrea. I got a new tattoo. I've faced some of my fears and allowed myself to be more vulnerable. I celebrated a birthday. I had a really great, cleansing cry. Mostly I've been letting go and letting God. I've also been learning a whole new way of being. Being busy but not busy. Investing my time in things I truly want, love, and are inspired by, and then letting myself be still, guilt free the rest of the time. I must say it's quite interesting.

I got hooked on the hustle. Sitting still, investing time and money, going for the long haul instead of the instant reward was hard at first. But it can be learned. So if you don't have this now, don't despair. I've been learning, living, and enjoying this concept and trust me when I say I'm not perfect but then again, who is right? Just last night into today I found myself struggling with a nervous energy. A restlessness of sorts and it affected my mood. I got grouchy. If it happens, it's ok. For the most part this new way of being has brought me a great happiness, focus, and quite a bit of success.

So, that's it. That's what's been up for me. Now what's been up with you???

Fitting in...

Hey... how are you? As for me, the weather's been blazing!! I have been really busy, and while I feel things are great, fitting in has come up as an issue.. The first thing we think of as "fitting in" is that pressure to belong to a group but that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm talking about fitting into your vision. What happens when you start to make things happen and things start to go your way? What happens when all that you are dreaming about starts coming to fruition?

We wanna think it's case closed, ride off into the sunset time but really it takes some fitting in. As I type this, I need to pack and practice for a trip I'm taking that will have me DJing with equipment I don't normally use. This is stressful because I have been blessed with bookings and auditions lately that have kept me busy and tomorrow is my birthday so I'm rushing a bit to get everything taken care of. Issues like this have come up a number of times for me lately. As the blessings come, it seems I need to do more fitting. The reason I bring this up is because you may find yourself in a similar situation. Maybe you're striving for that raise, degree, promotion, "new something" and you are finding out how much fitting in is part of it.

I wish I had the answer but I don't really. This post is more of a sound off and an invitation to you to share what's going on. Rest assured you're not alone and if it makes you feel any better, while I go through those moments, I take a deep breath, handle one thing at a time as efficiently as possible, give thanks for what is being put in front of me, and remind myself that I'm being gifted.

Now I gotta go and finish the rest of the stuff on my list. If getting what I wish for stresses me out a little while I grow into it, I'll take it. May we all continue to be blessed in such a way.

You are wonderful. Don't forget it. Love, love...

Ask and you shall receive, is it really this easy?

Here I am amidst some amazing happenings and although I have been hard at work doing everything I can to make these things happen, I have also been doing something very different this time around. I've been asking. *Gasp =O

I'm not sure if it was my culture or upbringing, or just plain 'ol pride but somewhere along the way I got the idea it wasn't good to ask for things and so until recently I never did. I am here to tell you friends that this is a big mistake. I am not saying that anyone should relinquish their power by expecting others to do for them, I am simply saying that when you supplement your efforts with asking for what you lack or don't understand, it will be delivered to you.

When I took a film class recently, I asked my coach & fellow Actors some questions and ended up making some great connections, changing my course regarding representation, and finding out about some new classes I want to take!

Want another example? For a long time now I had been looking for someone I can swap clothes with because I do a lot of events and wear things once or twice then never again. I always donate to Salvation Army but figured swapping clothes with a girlfriend would be fun and a really green way to give/get new clothes. After putting this out there for a while I found my swap buddy! Turns out, it was great girl that has been in my circle for years just not intimately.

So friends if you're trying to figure something out, make a connection, live out your dream, whatever.... Do all you can and make sure you don't forget to ASK!

PS: A book I have been reading that has a lot of great resources in it is called The Other 8 Hours. It deals with making the 8 hours you are not working or sleeping, work for you. Check it out at www.other8hours.com

Now go out and ask for somethin' LOL :P

Love ya, have an awesome weekend.